Friday, March 23, 2012

Ruby it is.


There's a Gap in Los Angeles at the infamous Grove Shopping Center that is a two story mega Gap, with Baby Gap, Boy Gap, Diane Von Furstenburg baby clothes Gap, Body Gap and the creme de la creme, Maternity Gap. It's quite literally a Mecca for pregnant women and moms, and I have had my fair share of melt downs in this store over the years during my own VERY challenging fertility journey. I've witnessed very pregnant women buying yummy cotton maternity shirts, or baby clothes for their child to be, or just walking around in a pregnant daze with their own personal soundtrack and people smiling from ear to ear while holding the door open for them. For the past five years, while trying to get pregnant, I've left the Gap-azon after buying a cute newborn outfit for someone else's child, in all sorts of states that I'm not necessarily proud of: I've left crying, cursing God, and laughing maniacally at the injustice of life while quietly convincing myself that my life is better than theirs because I have freedom and the ability to go to the movies whenever I want. As if a comparison of one person's life to another is ever a way to live. Needless to say, this particular Gap holds a lot of emotions and memories for me.

Well, the most amazing thing happened the other day at THE Gap.

After a lot of literal blood, sweat and tears and some good fortune, I was now one of the very pregnant women shopping for a cotton maternity shirt, for $4.99 on sale, with horizontal stripes, to fit over my 7 month pregnant belly. My internal soundtrack was a mixture of Adele, The Beatles and a groovy chant by Guru Singh. I wasn't in a daze, quite the contrary, this moment was not lost on me. In fact, I had a smile from ear to ear that finally I was having my Gap moment in the sun. Finally, I was going to be the lady who people smile at "just because" and who folks hold open doors for. I was/am seven months pregnant buying maternity clothes and I wanted to soak up this moment and make it last forever.

This lovely sales associate named Tean asked if I was doing okay and if I needed help, and we struck up a conversation.
"How far along are you?", she asked.
"Seven Months", choking back tears of joy.
"And you're having a girl." It wasn't a question, mind you. It was a statement.
"Good guess, Tean. Yes, I'm having a girl."
Tean then said, "Well, I hope you're going to name her RUBY."
I dropped my striped shirt on the floor and became flushed, "What did you say?"
Tean repeated exactly the same words as before, "I hope you're going to name her Ruby."
I literally couldn't believe my ears.
"Why are you saying that?" I asked her as I let the tears fall, "That's my Grandmother's name and yes, Ruby is a name we are seriously considering. One of two names actually. But we were just waiting to meet her to make the final decision." Tean and I talked for the next hour and had an incredible conversation. She's twenty seven and in the process of adopting two boys. Her sparkly eyes and incredibly open heart made me want to stay at The Gap all day and chat. The bottom line explanation, according to Tean, for this 1 in a billion moment happening is that she has always had spirits hanging around her and that the words, "I hope you name her Ruby" was said by "someone" and she just blurted it out.

Whether it was my Grandmother, who I worshipped with all of my being and who taught me card games, manners and the proper way to snap and prepare green beans, or the little spirit that's been hanging around me for so many years and is now in my belly, or the both of them conspiring and imploring us to choose the name that we've always had in our hearts, Lord knows I don't need much more convincing than that moment with Tean to know that Ruby it is.
Jason agrees.

At the end of our chat, Tean and I hugged for a very long time, and we actually said that we loved each other as I left. Who does that? The profundity of this moment will never leave me. It's a story I will share with anyone who will listen and especially with my daughter. It's a story of perseverance and never giving up on a dream, facing the incredibly difficult challenges that life throws us as best we can, and to always be open to the miracles around us, big and small, everyday. It's a theme I've written about, even when I wasn't quite sure I believed it. But now, I'm a believer, and in my darkest moments, I will always have THE GAP.

Note to Self: Expect a miracle. For reals.

19 comments:

  1. Love this story! Had me in tears. Such a beautiful confirmation of the Divine Spirit. So happy to be an Auntie in waiting for our dear Ruby, A Chosen One.
    Cal Peacock

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  2. LOVE hearing this again. LOVE the strange and wonderful in life. Can't wait to meet Ruby! xoxoxo Ran

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  3. A truly beautiful story - and look at that belly! it's finally showing!!!!!!! xoxoxooxox

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  4. :-)

    Now I'm smiling ear to ear. I love your Gap Moment. All of those emotions and memories - now, new ones. My father lost a buddy he served with in the Marines in 1971. His family and mine were very close and I called Mike's mother Aunt Ruby. She was a lovely lady who made sweet tea and had really pretty necklaces.

    In pictures of us I am small and happy. I loved visiting with her. This post made me think of that, so thank you!

    You look so pretty and happy! Can't wait for more news.
    Yours,

    Angela

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    1. Hi, Angela

      thanks for staying in touch and for always having such nice things to say. Hope you're well, happy and healthy.
      xo

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  5. that is going to be one amazing little girl! i can't what to meet her... xoxo

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  6. Andrea, major congrats to you and your husband! I know it has been a long, long road, and as soon as saw your post, I had to run outside and tell Joy the big news. I'm overjoyed for you. -- Jill Becker

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    1. Hi Jill, Please give Joy a big hug for me and tell her to call :)
      I hope you're well and thank you for your joy coming our way.
      xoxo

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  7. Lovely. Thanks for sharing.

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  8. ANDREA,
    WHAT AN AWESOME STORY OF THE GAP. I KNOW YOU HAVE WANTED A "RUBY" SINCE WE WERE YOUNGSTERS STEELING GRANDMAS LIFE SAVERS FROM HER PURSE. I KNOW GRANDMA AND GRANDPA ARE BOTH LOOKING DOWN ON YOU, JASON AND LITTLE RUBY AND WILL BE SMILING ON THE DAY SHE IS BORN. CONGRATS LITTLE COUSIN AND GOD BLESS THE THREE OF YOU. XOXOXO

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    1. Cuz,
      Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for the life saver stealing memory and for your thoughts and prayers. Big love to Uncle Don and your family.
      xoxo

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  9. You look radiant, beautiful, joyful!!! And what a great story about being open to the beauty around us! I love it! And I love the Gap too! Great story!

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  10. Yay! All the best wishes to the 3 of you : )

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  11. Oh, wow that is amazing. You are pregnant and not afraid to show it, you even wear the stripes the horizontal way!! That is so great. When I was pregnant... I didn't want to show it at all, in fact, I didn't allow myself to look pregnant until I was at least 7 months and I only wanted a bump to show so I could lose it quickly once the baby was out. I did not appreciate the fact that I could get pregnant so quickly. All my girlfriends envied me for getting pregnant and thought I was a "bratt" for not wanting children in the first place. My problem was that I knew too much about children and knew exactly what I was in for in terms of hard work, and I just want things to be simple and easy!! I realize now how selfish I was and how blessed I am to have such beautiful well-behaved children (that even your sister has complimented on at the tennis courts, ya, I'm that mom with the soccer playing daughter you met at the bookstore in Highland Village, TX ;o) , nothing like my dreams or possible future. I had this terrible fear of being fat like my mom, who my whole childhood said that having children is what made her over weight. I had something to prove back then. If I were to do it all over, and at my age, I would wear a tight striped shirt and show off my belly as much as I could and as soon as I could. You GO GIRL. And Ruby IS an awesome name.

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    1. Jen,

      wow. what a reply. no regrets. you can teach your kids, if you have girls, how to show their bodies, and be proud of who they are, no matter what their size.
      I hope you're well, and I thank you for writing.
      xo

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  12. You are such a beautiful reminder of staying open and vulnerable to receiving the messages that can come anytime and in any form.
    Ruby is such a wise one to choose You to come through!
    Love, Carmen

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  13. I LOVE this story! I am in that Gap a lot. I am going to look for Tean the next time I am there. I am so excited that you are pregnant. I actually cried when I read the post where you announced. I am really so happy for you. Let me know when you're ready for some nursing clothing and pajamas!!
    Love,
    Jamie

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