Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Mother Mary are you there?

The doorbell rang at 10:00 a.m. I was on the phone speaking to the fertility doctors' office to make a follow up appointment. I said hello to Adrianna and Ana as I asked them to wait one moment while I finished my call. They are two women who come into our home once every two weeks and clean it like nobody's business. They weren't coming to clean today, however, they were coming over to take me to see their "friend" who does Mayan/Mexican massage to help women get pregnant.

I drove them about 30 miles East of los angeles to a very poor part of El Monte, to meet Maria, the mexican massage doctor. We made awkward conversation at first. All the while I had Haiti on my mind. Wanting nothing more than to fly there and help those kids. Adopt those babies. Help those people. But in my desire to have a child I have decided to try anything and flying to Haiti apparently is not on the list today. So I am driving through hellish traffic, with my housekeepers to try the witch doctor approach. Which, by the way, I'm in full support of.

I walked into Maria's apartment with Adrianna (who speaks no English) and Ana who is 19 and is Adrianna's niece and is sweet enough to come along and translate the whole experience. We were greeted by Maria her bright green eyes, hunched back, arthritic leg and sparkly smile was a welcome relief from the congested freeways of Los Angeles. Walking through her very small apartment (probably government housing) with the gigantic flat screen TV blaring Mexican soap operas, two small children crusty, dirty, beautiful and running around with a chihuahua and her daughter cooking pork on the stove, I made my way into a dingy bedroom with two full beds.

As I lay down on the bed, I'm not going to lie, I was freaked out by the dirt on the bedspread. I hesitated but didn't want to be rude, so I put my Gap scarf on the bedspread, took my jeans off, left my shirt on and underwear. Maria massaged my belly. Deep into my belly. Her crowned front teeth glimmered off the dusty sunshine through the dirty drapes. I looked up at the Mother Mary statue hanging on the wall, garfield stuffed animals (30 plus) arranged neatly on the bed. She rubbed arnica on my belly, thighs and told me my feet were too cold to get pregnant. I need to wear socks. She slapped my bum, rubbed my Uterus (apparently it's crooked) and said go home and have sex with your husband. You will get pregnant tonight. Okay. Easy enough. Problem is he's not home tonight. He's flying home from San Francisco. Drats.

I have decided that Ana and Adrianna are the sweetest women I know. They want so badly for me to get pregnant. They put socks on my feet. Told me twenty times if they told me once to take it easy tonight. I was told to drink two cups of Arnica tea and stay warm. Maria, the green eyed witch doctor has said she is going to put a candle at the feet of the Mother Mary which is large and decorated just to the left of her front door. She is going to pray to Mary for me. In my sheepish appreciation I asked that she also pray for the people of Haiti. For it is times like these that our own wants and desires become glaringly small in comparison.

I believe in all forms of healing, medicine, and absolutely believe in prayer. In front of a statue deep in El Monte tonight is a candle lit by Maria to help the children of Haiti and to assist me, this privileged American, who wants nothing more than to be a mother. I would absolutely without a doubt, be the mother to any baby who needs it tonight from that hellish nightmare in Port Au Prince. Wish I could figure that one out.

Note to self: Angels are everywhere, hidden, hovering, helping where they can.

Happy 20zen!!!!

Before I go into this blog....as I'm watching CNN.....I want to send prayers to the people of Haiti, their family and friends. My heart goes out to them and I will give whatever I'm able to the Red Cross to assist in the recovery. Earthquakes Suck!

Hi. Happy New Year! Happy 20ZEN. Get it? instead of 2010...It's 20ZEN. The year of letting go. But not taking your eye off the ball. No Fear. All Love. Fierce Love.

I have been in slow motion since the holidays ended. That weird malaise that happens when the family leaves, the excuse to eat sugar cookies are over and spending hours in the kitchen (happily) cooking for twenty are no longer, has happened to me. I would like to say my holidays were restful, but that would be a lie. They were happily full and I loved every minute of it. We threw two Christmas parties, made cookies for our police officers, made cookies for Santa to give to all the kids in the neighborhood, had a book club gathering, sang carols, and then my family came in from Texas with their three dogs, and my in laws. It was chaotic and amazing. I love making meals, pouring drinks and wrapping gifts, but when it's done, I crash. And so crash I have. Don't get me wrong, I've been calling people, emailing folks, started a writing group, am working out again, but my brain has been in data collection mode rather than output mode. AND drum roll, please We FINISHED THE ADOPTION PAPERS.

And the Crowd roars.

Just came back from an evening with Marianne Williamson. She is speaking in Los Angeles every Tuesday in 2010. She is a masterful inspiration. I am eager to get this year going but refuse to do it with my eyes closed.

Note to Self: May we all keep our eyes open, but not be paralyzed by what we see.